“Happiness can be discovered anywhere you’re at, It can even be tiny, the size of a gnat!” Words written on the first page of my first children’s book.
Hello and greetings from Alabama, my name is Shaid. I would like to share with you how I found joy and a life worth living in the last place I hope anyone would ever look…prison.
It didn’t happen overnight. Our current form of Incarceration is designed and set up to destroy you mentally, physically and spiritually. Add to that the violence and unlimited access to every drug imaginable, it is a monster-making madhouse.
But like everything in life, if there is negative search hard enough and you will find its balance, the positive. For me, the first thing I noticed was the vast amount of time I now had. It became almost tangible, like molasses, seconds, minutes and hours standing nearly still. I became addicted to things that assured me of time moving forward. Sunrises took on a whole new meaning and I’ve witnessed sunsets that caught my breath as the sky melted into colors I cannot comprehend.
In here books are a time-passing treasure trove. I plowed through tons of them till I found one that wouldn’t let me go. “Walden”, by Henry David Thoreau, spoke to me like no other literature had ever before. I read it twice then began dissecting his conclusion word by word. New doors within me began to open containing infinite realms of possibilities that were impossible to ignore.
I think there are paths we choose each day unknowingly to tread. Some are well worn and strictly adhered to, others are new and excitedly explored. While a few are pathless, navigated by a deep desire for personal truth. When we pick a path, it leads us on a journey that others of like mind are traveling upon as well. I met my first such companion early into my quest. John Johnson is one of prison’s hidden wisdom weavers. He is over 30 years into a “life without” sentence, which reduces most men to hopeless wanderings. John is different, against a tide of disparity his inner joy was a guiding light that led me to a class that changed my life forever.
John suggested that I sign up for “House of Healing.” The teacher, Aldin Brindle, is a volunteer giving of his time freely, with a heart to elevate humanity and help with healing in the lives of others. The lessons taught how to uncover and address all the brokenness inside of me. Anger had been my fuel for so long, it felt like a part of myself that I couldn’t live without. Life is so much easier being at peace than being angry. I let all of it go. I learned how to love myself, and in doing so how to love others. I now believe in myself. Finishing the class left me looking for more. Thankfully my path led me to “The Gangaji Foundation.” I now receive once a month a course in self-inquiry. Life is good!
While discovering myself I also found another amazing thing in prison, the colored pencil! There is mind blowing talent in here. Leather craftsmen, woodworkers and artists abound. I watched a guy one day coloring a portrait and thought “I can do that!” My first set of colored pencils was a basic colors 12-pack. It didn’t take long to figure out “I couldn’t do that,” but I was captivated by them! Walking around the dorm I found a guy coloring some bubbles. I bought the page from him and took it back to my rack. It took a while, but I produced some I liked.
My prison hustle all along had been making cards for fellow inmates to send home to their kids, now they were in color. I made a very large one for my brother and his family. His wife liked it and soon after she started a one-woman campaign trying to convince me, an incarcerated felon, to do a kid’s book.
I struggled with this. I had sought atonement within myself early into my sentence, there was none. My only inner reconciliation is my dedication in knowing that whatever accumulated good a man can accomplish while on this earth, I hold myself indebted to society. I owe a double portion. I can’t allow my past actions and current circumstances to dictate my future outcome. “House of Healing” taught me that everyone has the power of choice. I have made horrible, disastrous ones. But change, for the good and right choices exist to everyone. So with tremendous love and support from family and friends I decided to give it my best.
The joy and peace that I experience when I’m “in my zone” is timeless. Decent lighting, good medicine/music flowing through the earbuds and my small collection of art supplies transports my core to serenity! From the moment I first started drawing I expected opposition and ridicule from other inmates, what occurred was confirmation that I was on a good path. The world of incarceration is colored to repress, battleship grays and drab browns mute our color intake to boring dismal nothingness. Guys would stand mesmerized as I colored in my drawings some days. A few of them caught on to something I hide in my artwork. They would come around and bug me to finish the next piece, to see who could find them the fastest.
I created my first children’s book in one of our nation’s deadliest prisons, St. Clair. The only opposition against me came from the very administration over my rehabilitation. Be careful sharing your dreams with people who only have nightmares, because hurt people hurt people. I cannot imagine what working within the DOC over a long period of time would do to my soul. I do know that they are very understaffed, greatly outnumbered and daily have to see and deal with the worst humanity has to offer. None of it has to be this way. I hope one day to join others in changing the way prison and prisoners are viewed, handled, and habilitated.
Our first book “Kraylos: Yellow Finds His Purpose”, went to print November 2021 . Being in prison teaches you to be patient and keep your expectations low, but I dream on a massive scale! I think living in the harshest environment imaginable is the negative so the positive resides inside my heart. I have seven children, my dream, my fuel that I will not live without is my love for them. My hope for the future is that I’m able to put all the pieces together and be the father I now know I can be.
My daughter, Halli, sent me a text a few weeks after Kraylos’s release. A reporter, Ms. Decker, had called asking to do an interview on WVTM 13 news! Seeing my brother, sister-in-law and daughter on TV humbled me and let me know that anything is possible with the right attitude and determination. When The Birmingham Museum of Art put our book on its shelves, well, that was the icing on the cake.
Our second book “Kraylos: The Power of Words” is available now. I enjoyed creating it even more than the first one. I loved my childhood. The innocence of knowing Santa is real. The knowledge that no matter how bad things could get, one ninja could save the day! One of my favorite things to do was sitting on the floor with a Richard Scarry book. I would get lost in the artwork.
My goal is to bring that same positive energy into the lives of my readers and shine a light, in here and outside, so others can find a good path. My advice to everyone would be to discover your purpose, regardless of your circumstances, it will resonate within you and give you joy. For now, I am content, surrounded by chaos, doodling book three, knowing every sunset brings me one day closer to my kids!
Paw Paw Rabbit Productions 